I love black thongs
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
