Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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