It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
