First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
