I am in a vortex of obligation.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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