Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
