I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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