it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
