This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
