Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
