I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
