just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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