i permit you to call me
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
