apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
