3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
