My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
