if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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