the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
