..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
