I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
