omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
