He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
