Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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