Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
