OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
