We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
