dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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