i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize