How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
