Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize