he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
