Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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