Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
