I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
