we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
