Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
