Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
FUCK WHALES
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