She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
