he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
