i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
