you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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