whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
What a dumb baby whore.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My ass is underappreciated
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
