R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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