I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My vagina is officially offended.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize