I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
