I smell stomach acid.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
