Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I wear drunk well.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
