The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
