If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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