i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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