I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
