Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
