Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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