You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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