I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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