im drinking this country out of the recession.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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