Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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