and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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