Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
