We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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