If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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