he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
My feet surprised me
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