I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
They have beer where we have blood.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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