Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
