shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
