need another drink. this is the easiest way
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
