I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
