i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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